The Truth
by whitereflections12
Summary: MovieversePP/TS,set about 3 years post movie mostly, there's flashbacks .Love is never easy, but when you're in love with a man like Tony Stark, it's even harder. The truth is that sometimes you just have to take the hard way because there is no other way
1. Chapter 1

Just a little short piece I thought of. This is Pepper's thoughts, set in the future from the movie, quite a long while after he's made his announcement and become a super hero for the world. Is set in front of the backdrop of a Pepper/Tony established relationship. This is just something that came to mind driving around in the car and I had to write it down…hope you enjoy!

Oh, and I don't own Iron Man, nope. But I'd sure want him. heh heh anyway, sorry that the dividers have to be in letters….can't get anything else to work.

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She hears it so much she's tired of it. They say it in magazine articles, on the news, on the street in little groups, huddled around a familiar picture. "Wouldn't it be wonderful to be with _him_? I mean just think about it…being in love with _Iron Man_! Oh, I wish he was mine."

Every time she hears it in person she wants to stop them, tell them that no, it isn't wonderful. Tell them that to be in love with the famous Iron Man is a curse she wouldn't wish on her worst enemies(of which she has many). On some of the bad days, she has said just this. Once to a young girl who looked at her like she was either crazy or a lesbian. Most people recognize her, but Tony tries to keep her profile low in public so there's still a few who don't know. This girl was one of them. It doesn't matter, really, that the girl didn't believe her. She would have never been able to see past the thoughts of sex, money, and fame to see what Pepper meant. Most people never could.

To them loving a superhero was all bliss, your name in lights. Constant protection. Amazing sex.

All she could say was no, no, you don't really want this. The important things, the real things, she could never say.

It was like this, on the bad days.

The really bad ones had involved her personally, but it wasn't herself she cared about. She had been kidnapped, used as bait but she never feared for her own life. No, she knew Tony would come for her. It was his life she feared for. Seeing her hurt or in danger drove him to desperate measures. He took crazy risks. He put himself on the line. At least once a week in her dreams she saw days like these. In her dreams, he usually died in her arms. Or, worse, before her eyes but out of reach. And it was always over her.

The alcohol, that was a constant. The women who so ached to be in her place didn't know about that. If they did, they knew only what the papers said. They knew about rehab, that first time. They knew about the occasional party. What they didn't know was that the real drinking he did, the hard times…none of them had anything to do with partying. It had everything to do with the past and the present. The weapons he had made, the people he had killed, even the terrorists he was killing now. He could see their blood on his hands, she knew. He had told her, his words slurred, his hands shaking around a glass of Johnnie Walker. He could see their blood, every one of them. He said he knew no matter what he did, he could never wash it off. She knew, equally, that while there were many things she could take away by taking him in her arms, she couldn't rid him of the blood either. It followed him everywhere, sometimes dulled but never gone. He carried guilt like a physical handicap, like a dead body tied around his neck. Being a better man than any she had ever known made him more vulnerable to guilt that any man she had ever known. No one else saw this, he kept it inside. She had to see it all, both a blessing and a curse. Yes, she got him when he was tender. She also had him when he had fallen apart.

His anger was a problem, sometimes. Usually when he'd been drinking. Oh he'd never hit her and she was certain he never would, but he'd done his share of yelling that he regretted the next 

morning. She had stopped being angry a long time ago, and she had almost stopped being hurt by it. Almost. Jarvis always apologized for him before he did. Tony's verbal apologies were few and far between and only given when he really knew for sure he'd fucked up. No, most of the time it was something in his eyes, the way he touched her when he said good-morning. It was apology enough, for her, but then she knew him inside out. Most women couldn't have stood it. Most women wouldn't have forgiven him, not after the third time. She forgave him before he even asked.

Those were the thoughts she had on the bad days, the things she longed to tell every woman who envied her place. She wanted them to know the truth. It was nothing to envy. It was hard, it was constant worry. They didn't know how it felt to kiss him good-bye, knowing it could be the last time to ever see him alive. They didn't know how it felt to stay up all night with three news channels on, sitting on the couch in nothing but his old shirt and drinking black coffee, waiting and waiting and waiting for news that didn't come until morning. They didn't know the wash of relief every time he came home in one piece. It was a force so strong it could knock her to her knees. They couldn't imagine the harsh reality of sitting by his bedside in a hospital waiting for him to wake up. Dreaming of a time in the far off future where he doesn't wake up at all. They spent more than their fair share of time imagining his body, she was sure. But she was equally sure they saw it without the scars. She knew every one, the white lines a map in their own way. She could have traced them all with her eyes closed. The new ones bothered her the most. Especially when she couldn't remember how he had gotten them.

She would admit, if only to herself, that there were days she told herself it wasn't worth it. Her mother had certainly told her so. There were days she told herself that it hurt too much to love him, that her love for him was going to kill her. There was only once she almost had herself convinced. The thoughts came on with panic and stress, always in his absence. What always happened next was that he came home.

There were good days, too. They still outnumbered the bad. Though she hadn't previously been the praying kind, she now prayed they always would.

She knew that tomorrow, or maybe the day after if it was a long mission, she'd take back any thoughts that it wasn't worth it. She would wake in his strong arms, held tight to his chest. She would hear his heartbeat, alive and strong. He always looked like a little boy in his sleep, so peaceful and innocent. She would wake him with a kiss, soft and gentle. Her hand would caress his cheek, so glad he was there, real and warm under her hands. His eyes would open, dark and sleepy but full of so much love it would take her breath away. The look he reserved only for her. He'd say her name, his voice low and content. And she would know beyond all doubt that where she was was heaven on earth, right there in his arms. She would know that nothing could be better than this. In knowing that, she would agree with _them_. There was nothing better than being in love with Iron Man, nothing.

She wouldn't trade it for the world.

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Reviews are pure love.


	2. Only Once

Wow, thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! I really, really appreciate it, and it's great encouragement.

I am working on a nice, long angsty romance story for the two of them that will have happy ending(because I'm a sucker for happy endings), but I don't have a chapter one ready to post yet. I had intended to just leave this as it was, but the more I thought about it the more I thought this could just be a series of random internal thoughts from both of them, and maybe a few random scenes later on. It'll just be a collection of short PP/TS pieces, all part of a loose 'story' but not in order or anything like that. Based off of all your great encouragement, it made me feel like I needed to continue it in some way, so I hope you guys enjoy.

Still don't own Iron Man. He's still sexy as hell. (went to see it for the second time last night…a friend's grandmother said we were just going to drool. Hehe)

Oh, and Happy Mother's Day to all you mother's in America out there!(and elsewhere, but I 'm pretty positive Mother's Day falls on different days in other countries…)

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She was shot once. When Pepper tells it, there's an 'only' before the once. When Tony tells it, there never is. To him, once is more than enough. Once is too much. He's played it over and over in his head so many times he knows, logically, there is nothing more he could have done. Jarvis, when given the circumstances to compute, has confirmed this. The guilt remains. If she wasn't with him, it would have never happened in the first place.

It's almost funny, in a way, because given the number of villains he's incurred over the past three years as enemies, the times she's been in danger with them he's gotten her out just fine. But a perfectly human terrorist with a gun…well…

Two of them where holding her, and he took them down with targeted missiles. What he didn't see, what he couldn't have seen, was the one still inside the building behind him. Undercover. He only got one shot off, and they were damn lucky it didn't hit her heart where he was aiming.

He can remember the feeling of catching her, watching the blood soak through her shirt and realizing that it could be over. He could lose her, and he knew he'd lose himself as well. The panic didn't feel as sharp as he had expected. When he had dreamed of a moment like this, the panic was always overwhelming. Now that it was actually happening, there were no foremost feelings. Everything was dulled, as if he were feeling it from a million miles away. The only thing he knew for certain at that moment was that he wanted to touch her, hold her to his chest and tell her everything he didn't say often enough. He would have pulled off his gauntlets to do just that, but Jarvis stopped him, wisely reminding him that he had to get her to a hospital. Hospital. Flying. Right.

He went in the ambulance entrance. He knew his appearance at the front would cause even more of a stir, and she was his focus. He couldn't give a damn about how shocked everyone was to see Iron Man, so long as they took her. When it came down to it, though, he had a hard time letting her go, and even harder time watching them wheel her away. He heard nothing of what the EMT's said. Not a word.

Some remaining sense of responsibility kept him from ripping his suit off behind the hospital and throwing it in the dumpster. Sure, he could build another one. But if someone found this…no, he couldn't do that. He remembered little of the trip home but a little more of the trip back to the hospital. His normally manic driving had been even worse, and a cop had tailed him when he was 

close to the hospital. He hadn't cared. He'd pay the fucking ticket as long as right now they just left him alone.

There are a few benefits to being a super hero whose identity is known. Sure, most of the time it can be a pain in the ass, but sometimes the attention gets you somewhere. And aside from loving attention, it can get you some pretty good perks. They knew where he was going, and no one tried to stop him. A nurse with far too sympathetic eyes for him to bear took him to what she called their best recovery room. White walls. An empty bed. She was in surgery, the nurse said. He'd have to wait here. No, there was no news yet but he could have some coffee if he wanted, and she'd make his phone calls for him.

The only phone call he wanted to make he could make himself, and he did. Rhodes was on his way. He couldn't have been less interested in coffee. Scotch would have been more welcome. He almost called Rhody back and asked him to bring some. Pepper never really liked it when he drank. It was then he collapsed, giving in to tears he hadn't even realized he'd been on the edge of. After awhile they slowed but he hardly noticed. He wouldn't have cared if Rhody saw him cry. He had seen it before, when he rescued him. Tears for Yinsen as well as for his rescue. He wouldn't have cared if he had seen him crying over his….

He realized, that night, that he had to marry her. He was an idiot for never thinking of it before. They had just fallen together in the series of events shortly after his announcement and it was so perfect, so right that his hyperactive brain had never questioned whether there was anything else he needed to do. To him, what they had already was forever. It was everything. As smart as he was, he could be a real idiot when it came to common sense. He wondered if she had thought of it, had wondered why he never asked. She was a woman, of course she had. His stupid sorry ass had never even known. It was only in discovering that he couldn't call her his girlfriend that he realized just what he had forgotten. Girlfriend was so inadequate for the relationship they had. It implied a level of disconnection they didn't have; it implied a relationship that could at any moment be broken. No, it wasn't right. Lover didn't sound right either. Wife would sound better.

He could remember how badly he wanted her to know that, right then. He wanted to tell her everything, to tell her she had to be his wife. He could remember the fear that came in knowing that if she never came off that table, she'd never know. He wasn't sure how long she was in surgery, but he remembered it as the longest night of his life. He didn't really remember Rhody coming in but he could remember that Rhody had hugged him and he hadn't even had the strength to respond. He could remember the movements of the clock, and he could remember the time around 3:36 when he could have sworn the second hand went backwards. Rhody said he had just been watching too long, that he needed to get up and walk around. He wasn't sure he trusted his legs to move.

When they brought her in, she was so pale it scared him. It wasn't right. Among a lot of other things that went in one ear and out the other, the surgery had gone well. Despite that, they wouldn't know anything more until she woke up. If she woke up. 60 percent did. They didn't speak of the other 40 percent that didn't.

They had left then. Technically he should have too, the nurse said, but she didn't have the heart to make him. She said she'd check in every hour, and then it was silent. Except for that monitor, whose beeps and clicks he almost cursed until he reminded himself at least one of those machines was helping keep her alive. He wondered if that was how she felt about the arc reactor. She had said something similar once when she laid curled into his side, her hand across the warm metal. He had joked, said that it was good she took him because he would have had a harder time finding women interested in him once he had that thing. She had kissed his chest, saw through the joke to the insecurity beneath and said she loved it because it meant his heart was beating. His heart. Looking at her in that hospital bed, he wasn't sure he had one anymore. He couldn't feel it. He felt 

oddly disconnected. Maybe this was why he had never wanted to fall in love. This was the danger everyone warned about. This was hell.

Not caring if he was allowed he had climbed in bed with her then, slid under the blankets and tucked her too-still body as close to his own as he could. This felt better. This felt like doing something. She always loved it when he held her. He kissed her, his throat unnaturally tight when she didn't respond. He knew better, kisses never really woke anyone. He had told her he loved her, and once he started talking he couldn't stop. Looking back, he couldn't even remember everything he had said but it had all been important. He hoped that somehow, she had absorbed some of it. He had meant every word.

Exhaustion had finally taken him despite his efforts to not even blink. He woke when he felt her fingers trailing through his hair, an action so gentle and familiar that for a moment he kept his face buried in her neck, too afraid to hope, too afraid it was a dream. His name off her lips was too real, and though there were a million things he had planned to say, everything from "I love you" to "I'm sorry", when his eyes met hers he said the one that had come to him the night before.

"Marry me."

When she laughed, he knew everything was going to be alright.

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I can just see Tony saying something important like that and her laughing at him. He's just so cute, how could you not. lol


	3. Alcohol

Thanks again for the wonderful reviews!! I completely love them.

This chapter is more about Tony's personal issues and is probably darker than the first two(even though they haven't been exactly cheerful…). To even that out, the next chapter just might be fluffy. And I will get back to what her answer was, since I know a couple of you might bash me over the head for not continuing that here. lol

Still don't own him. nope, nope.

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It's an old joke, the one about the difference between drunks and alcoholics. Though he laughs at many things, including himself, that's not one he's ever found very funny. Probably because he knows the truth. At least, the truth as he sees it. The only difference between the two, in his eyes, is the reason behind the drinking. Drunks drink for the hell of it, because they got started a long time ago and they're hooked on the drug itself. Alcoholics drink because they need it, and their reasons aren't the same. He's an alcoholic, and he knows it, but he'll never set foot in a meeting and that isn't just his pride(though that would be a factor, he can admit that only to himself.). He needs it because it's the only thing that dulls the pain of the memories, the only thing that can blur the crystal clarity of them.

When he's drunk, he can't remember as well just how Yinsen looked when he died. He can't feel the cuffs on his hands or the ice cold water that usually wakes him from what was previously peaceful sleep. He can't hear the screams of the dying. The scotch takes it all away, but he's smart enough to know it isn't an even trade.

He can't always remember the things he's said to her, but there's a few that stand out. He thinks he might have actually done too good of a job on Jarvis because the damn robot's very fond of repeating to him, word for word, the things he doesn't remember. Things he'd rather not remember. The tone of disdain implies that he doesn't approve of either the drinking or the way he treats Pepper. Well, that's just as well because Tony doesn't approve either. That doesn't, however, stop him from doing it. It's a vicious cycle, one he won't stop because stopping would mean losing the escape the alcohol offers, and that's a safety net he isn't willing to lose. Not even for her.

Some nights are rougher than others. There was a boy last year whose face he still sees sometimes. He was holding a puppy, a little squirming thing half under his shirt, half over his shoulder. He had one hand on the puppy's neck and one hand on his dad's pants, holding on for dear life. In his memory, the explosion happens much slower than he knows it did. It doesn't matter that he saved 90 percent of the town. He was never used to any sort of failure before, not 10 percent, not 5 percent. Ever since he can remember, he's been able to fix everything. Until the missions, there were no hanging ends, no problems without solutions. Once he started to work at the real business of war he found that real life doesn't really work in absolutes. There is always unfinished business. Like the boy and his puppy and his father. He never found their bodies. He can't rid himself of their faces. He doesn't really want to, but sometimes he'd like a little peace from the ghosts, and there's a limit to how much distracting he can do. They come for him at night.

It's better when this happens after Pepper's asleep, though he isn't naïve enough to think she doesn't feel him leave. Still, it works better those nights. He can slip away to the workshop and drink and she lets him go without complaint, always ready the next morning with black coffee, sunglasses, and a kiss far gentler than he deserves. Sometimes he doesn't have quite enough work to do, the memories come early, and he pulls out his beloved bottle of black label around five and skips dinner. She'll bring it to him anyway, even if he doesn't eat.

Sometimes they fight over stupid things, schedules and missions and her fear that he's on the fast track to his own sort of suicide by method of the suit and his crusade. Sometimes she'll try to talk to him about the drinking, tell him he needs someone to talk to. Tell him if he wanted, he could talk to her. He'll give her a smart ass response, at least. Either that, or he'll take her seriously but tell her he doesn't need any damn help, that he's got it under control. She pushed him on that, once. Told him that no, he didn't have it under any kind of control. He remembers that one, because he remembers telling her to leave him the fuck alone. He remembers more than that moment the sound of her tears when he came upstairs an hour later, the way the wood of the door felt under his hand when he laid his palm against it, too ashamed of his actions to even knock. He doesn't like apologies because he hates admitting he was wrong but he apologized to her the morning after that. It was the only time he ever apologized with any real fear. He knew beyond any doubt that he had become exactly the sort of bastard society told women they were better off if they left. She didn't look at him when she told him it was alright. It was the only time he ever felt her flinch away from his touch. It was almost enough to make him stop the drinking. Almost. He tired, but the demons proved too strong. He knew there was truth in her words, knew that he'd never rest peacefully until he worked through his problems. He knew she'd listen, if only he could talk. He hoped that one day he'd be ready, but he didn't have the strength. Not yet.

She's right in more ways than about his mental health. He knows the alcohol will kill him. The part that unnerves him when he looks too closely is the fact that he doesn't care. When things get too quiet and he really examines his choices, a voice inside that he quickly shoves down likes to remind him that this could fall under Yinsen's category of wasting his life. The one thing he shouldn't do. He should be making the most of it. He should be able to just deal. The fact that he can't spells weakness in his mind, and since that's something he'd go to any lengths to avoid maybe it has something to do with his reluctance to work through his issues. He's read the mutterings in the press of all the different disorders he suffers from. He's very fond of telling them all that he's fine. Since he drinks mostly in the comfort of his lab they don't have many pictures but every time he turns around he's on some damn cover or other with scotch on the rocks and a caption about his imminent death by alcohol poisoning and what a bad, bad influence he is for young kids.

Well. He never professed to be a role model. Fuck no. He would go as far as to say he never wanted to be a super hero, and while he does say that in speeches it's a ridiculous lie. Of course he wanted it. He laps the attention up like a cat with warm milk. He thrives on it. He was raised in the limelight, so who could expect any less? He adjusted to very high levels of attention, anything less and he feels bored and unwanted. Wouldn't a shrink just love to pick that apart, too. Still, he really never did say he was a role model. He never has been, not unless someone wants their kid to grow up to be a millionaire genius who personally pursues nothing more meaningful than a collection of thongs from as many playboy bunnies as he can get. He thinks he got up 27, at last count, all from present or former member's of Hugh's 'household'. Those were some of the first things Pepper got rid of when she moved in. It makes him smile to think of what she did to them. Knowing her, it probably involved kerosene and a lighter.

No, he'd be the first person to say he isn't someone to look up to. He isn't anyone to envy, either. But it's always the light side of others that people dwell on, never the dark. When you're looking at how much greener the other side of the fence is, you're never looking at the parts in the shade. He's heard it said that everyone has a dark side, each one tailored to what that particular person can handle. His mother believed it. He doesn't, he's too cynical. To him, it's just plain that while everyone may have a dark side, some are clearly darker than others. Pepper's…it's something like off-white. Cream, maybe. His is black, and he knows it. She knows it. He isn't fit to look at her, much less share her bed but somehow he's gotten damn lucky. And still he plays with it, risks it because he can't give up the drinking. Jarvis has told him she could walk out. He doesn't need to be told, he knows. Just as he also knows he's certain she never would.

He really is all she has, and for that he's actually sorry. She does deserve better, but he can't be any better. The fact that she's willing to take him as he is, broken, flawed, and completely imperfect…to him that proves that love does exist, though he isn't sure if it's beautiful or twisted. What he is sure of is that he's grateful for it, because without her he probably wouldn't fight so hard for the bits of pieces of soul he does have left. Before he would have said it was sappy, but without her he wouldn't know that life really can have meaning…wouldn't have known the peace that Yinsen did, knowing he was going to his family. Family had never been a peaceful word to him, not until they were together.

He used to say peace was carrying a bigger stick than the other guy, and he used to mean it. He never defines peace now, because he isn't comfortable saying it in public. What is in a large sense he doesn't even know any more, and with all the battle he's seen he doesn't even really believe it's possible. In a personal sense, though, he knows exactly what it is. Peace is coming home to nothing he deserves but what is all the same a constant he knows is always waiting. Pepper. His family.

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That took longer that I thought to write. I really, really need to go to bed. lol


	4. The Unexpected

Thanks to everyone who is reviewing for the continued support! I love you all.

This chapter is much, much fluffier than the others. Because happiness is nice too. : )

Don't own any of it.

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Of all the unexpected things Tony had done, this had to top the list.

He looked dead serious, something that made him even more adorable considering his disheveled appearance. "Marry me."

She laughed because at first she had nothing to say, laughed because only Tony would say something like that at a time like this. He wasn't used to worry, she knew. That was her almost constant state. She had adjusted. He hadn't had much experience in that area. He looked like he'd been up all night. How long had she been in surgery? She wasn't sure, but she knew the laughter hurt her chest despite a haze of what she was sure was morphine. He smiled, only a little apprehensive.

"The laughing, that's a good sign right? I don't really have much experience with this so I'm not exactly sure. Come on, Pepper. Marry me."

She ran her fingers through his hair again. "Right now? I'm a little bit tied up at the moment. I don't think they'd let me out of here quite yet."

"Come on, Pepper, I'm serious."

He did seem serious. She had never quite expected this. She had given in to his charms, moved in with him because she loved him and she was tired of fighting it. It had been the equivalent of a surrender to the inevitable. He had changed, she knew, and she really _was_ very proud and though she would admit she had imagined it sometimes, she had never really thought he'd grow up enough to decide to marry anyone, even her. Her silence wasn't an answer, and she didn't want him to think it was. She also, however, didn't know what to say.

He shifted next to her, raised up on arm to look down on her from a better angle. "Look, I know my history is still iffy. And I know I'm still an ass. But hear me out. I want this. I mean, I want to be your husband. Really I do. You can trust me."

Trust him. She already did that, though it was against her better judgment. Everything she did with him was against her better judgment. She might as well just get rid of it, be done with judgment entirely. "Yes."

His eyes sparkled. "Yes you trust me or yes you-"

"Yes, I'll marry you."

He grinned, almost the happiest one she'd ever seen on him. That honor still went to the grin she'd gotten when he woke up beside her that first morning, but that was another story. "I'll be a good boy, I promise."

"Don't lie, Tony."

"Fine. But I'll be-"

"You'll be you. And that's alright."

"I love you, Pepper."

"You'd better." She took the edge of what could have been sharp words with a kiss that started gentle. He was hungrier, more desperate than she'd expected and he returned the kiss like a drowning man. She was certain she could feel the hand the cupped her cheek shake, just a little. He had been more frightened that she'd realized. "Hey…I love you too."

He nodded, eyes downcast. "Yeah."

On closer examination, his eyes were redder than lack of sleep ever made them. _Oh, Tony…_ Her chest ached. "Tony…" Her hands framed his face, traced the contours of it. "I'm alright."

He nodded, barely.

She pulled him closer, pressed her lips to his forehead. "I'm alright."

"I'm s-"

She covered his lips gently, stroked them with her thumb once he was quiet. "No. This wasn't your fault, don't you dare apologize. I'm fine. Everything's alright."

Suddenly he was holding her closer, the way he had while she'd slept, his face buried in her neck. It was a little painful, but she didn't have the heart to tell him. His words were soft and muffled. "I thought I'd lost you."

"You'll never lose me."

"Liar."

"Hush." She stroked his back, ran her fingers up and down his spine the way she knew he liked. Ironic, she was the one in the hospital yet he was the one who needed the comforting. Super hero or not, all men were the same deep down. They handled the physical far better than the emotional. A metaphorical shot to the heart left them far more clueless and wounded than some shrapnel buried in their chest. When it became clear he wouldn't have moved if his life depended on it and that he wouldn't loosen his grip of his own accord either she shifted, gently moving her and his death grip to a more comfortable position that put less pressure on her injuries. They'd probably be in to check on her soon, she knew, but until then he could rest. He needed it.

Within moments, they were both asleep.

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She wasn't sure what she had expected her mother to say when she told her, but the yelling hadn't been expected. Well, maybe it had, deep down. It was just unwanted. She had put the phone on speakerphone and laid it down on the couch cushion beside her, letting the words all run together into a sort of constant, garbled background noise. The longer it went on the more she regretted every time she'd ever told her mother about the girls, the booze, and the nights out on the town. Her mother had used her bizarre mother-senses to pick up on her attraction to him even in those years, and she had filed it all away into some sick sort of album in her head, ready to pull it out when she thought Pepper needed to be reminded just how many women he had been with before her.

Her mom was right about one thing. Even though she knew it, hearing it recited made her a little sick. Hence the speaker phone, and the fact that she was now ignoring her mother and sifting through Tony's inbox. No, Tony didn't want to have a meeting with the Board. The President….well that wasn't a meeting he could exactly turn down.

Her mother hadn't screamed this much when she'd moved it with him. In fact, she had been surprised at her lack of resistance. The answer to that mystery had come today, when her mother had admitted she'd hoped her 'thing' with Tony had been some sort of phase, and that she'd get him out of her system and finally get a new job. She had told her mother that if she'd have known she was thinking that, she could have set her straight from the beginning. Tony wasn't a phase. He was a lifestyle.

Still, she couldn't blame the woman for being upset. Looking back on, it was really too much to expect of her in one day. The combination of "I was in the hospital for a few days but I'm alright now." and "I'm marrying Tony Stark." had just been too much for her to bear without this sort of violent outburst. It really was her fault. She should have called from the hospital to tell her about the shooting. Then maybe her and Tony could have her mother together.

No, that really wasn't a good idea either. Knowing Tony, he would have been about as inappropriate about it as humanly possible. Probably. There was the chance that he would have tried to make a good impression on her mother, but even then he likely would have failed. His attention span for being good was far too short. Not that she minded, most of the time.

She had let her scream until she was finished, then gently told her she wasn't changing her mind, that she loved Tony, and the wedding would be perfectly safe as the military would be overseeing security. She had told her that she was invited, and all the rest of the family, and that if she wanted, she could come and stay with her and Tony for a few days before, to get to know him better.

She began to regret those last words as soon as they left her mouth.

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Ok….question for you all. so far, this has been just a random collection, but it seems to be taking a bit of a life of its own from the sequence of events following the shooting. So….would you like to see this become the actual story it seems to be attempting to be, or just continue as random pieces? Either way is fine with me, just let me know. I really am enjoying this, though, so I'm glad you guys are too. I LOVE all of your reviews, they make me so happy.


	5. Accidents

By overwhelming vote, this will definitely be continued. Thanks to everyone for the help in direction, and since this thing has mostly just taken on a life of its own, I'm going to run with that. I'm gonna try to do both, really…the main storyline interspersed with some thoughts on various aspects of their life. We'll see how it goes. : )

Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! All of you are amazing.

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Their first time was an accident. She usually smacks him when he says this, but he still says he's right. Sure, the tension between them had been growing to a point just shy of unbearable, but he hadn't exactly planned to act on it. Not really. As much as he'd wanted her, he'd been afraid of losing the relationship they did have. It had annoyed him at first, because he was used to taking risks. He was having whatever and whoever he wanted. It was foreign to be in a position that made him unwilling to risk anything at all.

Still, that was where he had landed himself for a few months. Striding closer to the line of 'inappropriate behavior' with her than he'd ever dared before but not quite crossing it, just in case doing so would lose him the best thing he'd ever had.

It was three months after the incident on national TV when his resolve broke. He was in his shop when she came in, rolled up underneath the hot rod. He had heard her heels coming first, made some vaguely inappropriate comment about angle being great for looking up women's skirts. She had rolled her eyes, smacked him with her clip board and told him to get up. He had a flight to Moscow he couldn't miss. He stood up, and for a moment the familiarity of the moment had them both frozen. The last time they'd had this conversation, he hadn't come back. Her eyes flickered with an emotion he couldn't name and he looked away, dusting his hands on already dirty jeans. He wasn't good at comforting, especially not when he felt pretty damn weird himself.

They hadn't talked about how things had been while he'd been gone, not really. Any statements she made were only ever said in jest. Until then. She had broken the silence. "I never wanted to believe you were dead. Not even when they told me they may never find you."

"You're dedicated."

"I…yes, Mr.Stark." Maybe, he realized, he hadn't said the right thing. He was starting to hate it when she called him Mr.Stark. His name, his real name actually sounded like something special when she said it.

"Thank you."

She looked down shyly, one hand coming up to brush hair away from her eyes. It was adorable. It was sexy. Had he really never noticed that before? "For what?"

"For not believing I was dead. I even believed I was dead, for awhile there." It was as open with her as he'd ever been about what had happened over there. She was the only one he could have ever told it to. He knew she would understand. Watching her he saw a single tear slip from her eye, and though she reached up quickly to brush it away he was quicker, stepping in close and whisking it away with his thumb. Probably too close. Most people did have personal boundaries. She looked nervous then, the same look she'd had when they danced. "We need to talk, Pepper."

He swears that she was about to say 'about what?' just then, even though she denies it. The truth will never be known, because he never gave her the chance to answer. Before he could second guess it, or even really realize he was doing it, he was kissing her. He had waited so long to do it that when it actually occurred he was just short of seeing stars. She tasted like heaven. When they 

broke for air she mumbled something that sounded a lot like 'Mr.Stark' but he didn't want to hear it so he kissed her again, his hands taking the opportunity to wander up her hips and under her shirt, thumbs grazing across sensitive skin. She gasped into his mouth, clung to his shirt. He could feel her nails through the thin material and he just barely managed not to groan. He still wasn't sure he had her, still somewhere on the fine edge between rejection and a new direction. He brought one hand up to cradle her head, tipped it back to give him access to her neck.

"We…we can't…we shouldn't…" His trailing lips hit somewhere along the line where neck met her shoulder and she moaned softly, fingers tangling in his hair to keep those lips right where they were. Well. He had discovered something very useful. Grinning against her skin he gave a soft, cursory stroke with his tongue. She shivered. Yes, this was useful. After that, she didn't protest anymore. They were locked in another kiss, moving backwards in what he hoped was the direction of the door when he tripped on some piece of equipment or other on the floor and somehow ended up flat on his back, Pepper sprawled on top of him.

"…Ow."

She laughed, and before he realized it he was joining her. A real laugh. He didn't use it often. Then he was kissing her again, and everything else was forgotten.

That was the first time, and in their desperation for each other neither of them cared that it was on the floor of the workshop. Beforehand, he'd been afraid she'd leave afterwards. Afterwards, he realized she never would. Something had taken place between them that was more than sex. Something that he was actually new to. Something that left him feeling like she was all that mattered. And he wasn't sorry. She even let him carry her to his room. She spent the night with him there, and after that there was no going back. Despite her protests that weren't really protests, he had her moved in the next day. He had left then for Moscow, where he received a reprimand from S.H.I.E.L.D. for being late and setting a bad example of a responsible super hero. No matter how much he had changed, responsible was something he would never quite be.

That was the beginning, and the two and a half years or so following it brought him all the way to a point where he was finally going to be her husband. Finally. At the time he wasn't worried, not really. As far as he was concerned, it didn't change a thing except her last name. Mrs.Stark. It had a nice ring to it.

A thought which reminded him that if they were getting married, he was going to need one of those. Time to go shopping.

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It bothered him just a little that she hadn't been home long and was already working again. A little, but not enough to actually do any of it himself. He knew he would have made a mess of it, so he never bothered. "We need to go shopping."

She didn't pull her eyes away from the computer screen. "I've told you to wipe your shoes when you come in from outside. And why do we need to go shopping? I was at the store last week, we've got plenty of everything. "

He slid onto the couch beside her. "That's what vacuum cleaners are for. And I need to buy you a ring."

"It can wait, Tony."

He tugged her laptop out of her lap. "You've been working all morning."

"I'm behind. Give it." She held out her hand, a little bit of a warning in her eyes.

"I could have just unplugged it."

"Tony."

"I could call the doctor, ask if you need to come back into the hospital. Recheck or something."

"Tony."

"How important can this be?"

"Of course you wouldn't know, you've never answered your own mail. Give. It."

He almost listened, really he did. Well. For a moment. He shut the laptop, ignoring her screech. "It is, in the end, my mail. Whether I answer it or not, it's still mine. And I can choose that right now, it isn't important. Which it isn't. Come on. We're going shopping."

"You ask if I feel like working but not if I feel like shopping."

He paused. "Maybe you should stay here. I can go. How hard can it be?" He hadn't been in a store in years. He didn't even pay attention to them when he drove around anymore. He'd have to ask Jarvis where the closest jewelry store was.

She was shaking her head. "No, I'm not having you pick out something that important. If you want to go now, I'll come with you."

"You feel alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Good. You can get whatever you want, biggest diamond they got." Women loved those, didn't they? Diamonds are a girl's best friend and all that? Big diamonds had always been the secret in the past to the women that played hard to get. But that was past.

"No, Tony, nothing ridiculous. I just want a simple ring. Just something simple."

"That's boring."

"Yeah, well, to you normal is boring."

"Of course it is. I'm not normal. Neither are you, by the way."

"Right. And I'm driving."

"No, you're not."

"Well, you're driving carefully then. I may be feeling pretty much fine but I don't feel like taking 90 mile an hour turns."

"You exaggerate. But point taken." Tone down his driving. Something he never pictured himself doing. Somehow he didn't mind.

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"Jarvis, where's Pepper?"

**She has gone to bed, sir. 15.6 minutes ago. **

Tony nodded his approval. That was good. She still needed the rest. "Is she sleeping?"

**Almost, sir. Her breathing and heart have dropped to her normal state just before she falls asleep.**

"Soundproof the room. Lock all doors except the hanger."

**Very good, sir. Is there a mission you haven't told me about?**

"Not tonight. But I can't sleep, I have to get out of here."

**Yes, sir. **

The suit came on and off much easier than it had in the beginning. They had adjusted to each other. He always thought of it that way, the suit in his mind was almost a living entity. Just like Jarvis. He had created them both, but they had seemed to take on new life that his hands couldn't have given them. It made him feel oddly like a creator. Not that he had ever believed in God.

He told himself he didn't know where he was going, but that was a lie. He knew his destination before he even took off, and when his boots touched ground in front of his father's grave he tried to tell himself he was surprised at where he had ended up. He slid the mask back before he sat down. It reminded him of watching Star Wars as a kid, hearing Vader tell Luke he wanted to see him just once with his own eyes. There were some things that couldn't be done with any mechanization, some things that had to be wholly organic.

He never got to say good-bye to his father. He could remember the moment he had realized that. In a room full of people, his back to the podium and Obediah Stane at his right side. He realized it when he remembered that Yinsen had had everything in order. He was ready. If he had died over, he wouldn't have been ready.

The questions he had told the press he would ask his father were all true, all very real. He wished he could have known if his father really knew the truth, or if he was somehow as ignorant as Tony had been about the double dealing. He wanted to believe that, that he had been ignorant too. Anything else and his father became a man he couldn't respect. No matter what else he had or hadn't felt for him, he had always respected him.

Their relationship wasn't everything it should have been, not by a long shot. He kept a picture of the two of the on his desk but to him looking at it was always sort of surreal, like looking at a past that belonged to somebody else. He was sitting the first car he'd restored. His dad sat in the passenger seat, left arm across his shoulders. He could never remember his dad hugging him, not really. Away from the cameras, he wasn't big on signs of affection. It was his opinion that Tony would be stronger without them, or so he said. Tony couldn't remember him hugging his mother either. Maybe he just didn't like to be touched. When he was younger he'd think now and then what it would have been like to have a dad like the ones on TV, the ones that did things with their sons that they didn't have to do, the ones that talked to them about life and love and told them they loved them.

His father had never told him he loved him. Not once. He'd said he was proud, many times. Pride wasn't the same thing as love. If anybody knew that, Tony did. He told himself it didn't matter, really, but that wasn't true. The little boy he had once been was still somewhere inside him, the voice that said he'd have given the world to hear it, just once.

He wasn't sure why he'd come to the grave. He didn't feel like talking. Besides, talking to dirt and granite and decomposing bones was for nostalgic people, wasn't it? Tony Stark wasn't nostalgic. He could, though, be sentimental. But only when no one was watching. Like now.

He wondered, absently, what his dad would have thought of the new direction he had taken the company in. He wondered what he would have said about Tony's new….hell, was it a hobby or an occupation? He certainly didn't get paid, he got shot at. Not that it mattered. Would he have been angry? Would he have told him he was a fool? Would he have been proud? Would it have been the act good enough to finally earn an 'I love you' from him?

He wondered what he would have thought of Pepper. His mother had always been quiet. He didn't remember too much about her, other than that she seemed very sad. They never told Tony how they met. He didn't like to dwell on the thought, but he had the sneaking feeling they'd never really loved each other at all. Just another reason why he should have never been capable. Or so his fears told him. The thing she felt for Pepper, that shouldn't have been something he was able to do. All the same, it had happened. Whether or not he'd be good or bad at this remained to be seen. He'd done alright so far, or so she said, but personally he felt like he was far from a good man. Maybe that was good. Maybe hating himself just a little bit gave him an edge.

The moon hung low, now. He could see it through the trees. "Time, Jarvis."

**3:44, sir.**

"Is Pepper asleep?"

**She woke for a short time, sir, at 2:20 and looked for you, then went back to bed. She is awake now, I believe, though resting comfortably.**

Shit. He hadn't wanted to worry her. "Tell her she needs her rest. And I'm coming home. If she asks, don't tell her where I've been."

**Very well, Mr.Stark.**

"Don't take that tone with me. You aren't allowed to disapprove. It isn't her business."

**Very well.**

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Even knowing she was awake, he eased his weight onto the bed slowly, determined to disturb her as little as possible. She didn't speak, waited until he was under the covers before molding against him, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. "Hey."

"Hey." His nerves were on edge, muscles tense. He didn't want her to ask where he'd been. He hated lying to her. Anyone else, he had fun with it. Not to her.

Her lips brushed his skin, her hold on him tightening. "You're cold."

"Yeah."

Silence. Then… "Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"My mother hates you."

He relaxed, relieved at the change in subject. Even though what she had said wasn't exactly cheerful news, he wasn't at all startled by it. "Yeah, well, I've got her little girl. I think all mother's are that way."

"Especially considering how many other people's girls you've had."

"Ouch."

He could feel her smile in the dark. He turned his head enough to press a kiss to the top of her head. "So, how should I prove my worth? I'll buy her something, what does she like? She have a nice car?"

"Ah…this is one woman I don't think you can buy. And she's coming to stay with us for awhile. In two weeks."

Pepper's mother. Staying. Well, how bad could it be? I mean, the woman was only human after all. He had been told he could be pretty damn charming. He'd just have to pull out some of his old tricks. Just not the dirty ones. "Great. That's great. Looking forward to meeting her. Just how the hell is that I've never seen a picture of your mother?"

"Probably because I haven't put any pictures up."

"You should do that. Do we even have any of us?'

"No. But it can wait. Go to sleep."

Sleep. He was never good at sleeping at night. He slept better in snatches. The nightmares seemed less likely to catch him then. Still, she was warm and he was comfortable. He loved the feel of her body next to his, he always did. In those heels it was easy to forget how much smaller than him she really was. He felt like a real protector holding her. "Good night."

She didn't respond.

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Long chapter! Hope everyone enjoys it!!

I love the fact that after I finished this, I read the latest reviews and Calliope Brennan said they'd like to see how they got together….glad I had your wish in mind before you even asked! : )

Seeing as it is waaay past the time I should have been asleep, I'm going to bed now. Tony Stark is a baaad influence…I had started going to bed a decent hour for the past month or so. Lol

And sorry if there are typos in this…didn't have time to read over it, way too tired. I'll go back and edit it tomorrow if I need to, just wanted to go ahead and get it up for you.


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